Kiwi... Unleashed!

Ahh, Memorial Day. That glorious 3 day weekend that marks the beginning of summer, the ceremonial unveiling of backyard grills, and beach traffic. Yeah, that's right- if you plan on going "down the shore" (as people around here apparently call it) or anywhere at all for that matter, pack your favorite CD's and get ready to listen to them all, cause even though this Memorial Day is a rainy mess, you are gonna be sitting in traffic hell.

One of the families I pet-sit for decided to bag it and not go to the beach (which is what I call it) this weekend. Smart move. It�s a shame to miss this particular weekend, as exciting as the beginning of summer can be for families. If I had a significant other and kids of my own who had been pining for this mini-vacation, I�d be crushed to stay home and celebrate in my own backyard.

What is there to miss, you ask? Ahh, so many things. The smell of salt water, the sound of the waves rolling onto the shore, the warmth of the sun on your skin and the taste of delicacies you missed all winter, like boardwalk fries, cotton candy, salt water taffy and caramel popcorn, to name a few. And who could forget the exciting trip there, with the warm wind blowing through your hair, putting it in knots even sailors couldn�t untie, while the kids are spilling, smearing and wearing every possible substance they can get their little hands on while simultaneously whining arewethereyet? Arewethereyet? Arewethereyet?

And don�t forget all the great muscle-building you�d be doing carrying the umbrella, cooler and 5-6 bags of child-entertaining materials on the walk to the beach from your car, parked several blocks away in someone�s front yard-turned-parking lot you paid $20 to wedge your car into because that was the closest place you could find this side of the 6 lane highway �main strip.� That�s gonna give you ripped abs and biceps to flex for years to come, cause on the way back you�ll have twice as much junk to carry after your family goes souvenir shopping.

Speaking of which, here are a couple return-trip packing tips to help you out- if you stick the oversized stuffed animals� heads out the side windows, it�ll block the sun from further scorching your fluorescent pink, peeling children. Also make sure you wedge one between them to avoid the fighting. Don�t worry about them getting damaged- the kids will cover them in various sticky, non-removable substances by the time you get home anyway. Oh yeah, and make sure you don�t put the hermit crabs in the trunk- you�ll need them accessible so you can �accidentally� cause them to pinch the children when they start whining arewehomeyet? Arewehomeyet? Arewehomeyet? A quick stop at the liquor store for vodka and the 7-11 for Juicy-juice should help out a little, though. *wink*

Ahh, Memorial Day. If you chose not to heed my warnings and head to the shore anyway, may the force be with you. Don�t forget the SPF-1,000 sunblock, and have a margarita or two for me, will ya? Lucky bastards.

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